May 29, 2010

Midnight rants...always the best

I don't know why I tend to do these rants late at night maybe it's because I have nothing to distract me and I have to think about them. I know I said just last week that I would try to hold off on long rant posts but I also said I wouldn't get on the internet for a week and we all see how that one turned yeah so let the ranting BEGIN!

I actually had a conversation with a fellow blogger about this one. Sometimes we read peoples blogs and feel like we "know" them or forget they have a life outside of blogging that never transfers over onto internet text. We only know a small portion of their lives, the parts they have opened up...possibly the parts they feel are repressed in every day live...(personal thought)

I guess what I wonder about is when do people stop being followers and start being friends. Even if you NEVER meet these people ever, is there a point where you start thinking of them as a true friend and not just a follower?

Same goes for other Authors and Fans...what if you don't want to be just considered a Fan but a friend?

Geez I remember somebody telling me that if you have to ask about something then it's probably not. For example....are we friends? Well if you have to ask then you probably feel like your not so no. But I was never satisfied with that. What if it's just the fact that you don't know what the other person is thinking and don't want to make a fool of your self, believing your something more than you are to them...

"Love like you've never been hurt" that's a line I like, mainly because I wish I followed it. I am so paranoid and scared of being fully open...and judged it keeps me from doing things that I want to do.

I watched a movie recently, you'll see a review about it soon, but one of the people basically let the skeleton out of his closet and said "why won't you say anything, say something I know you want to, JUDGE ME YOU BITCH...." silence

Is it scary that maybe deep down we might all want to be judged. not badly of course but ...well you get the idea.

And to the girl in the black nice new car that her daddy obviously bought for her it's illegal to pass on the right, speed up, cut somebody off and then turn left in a non turning zone... AAARRRRGGGGG

I hate that I only run into people that I know when I look like crap, if I look nice NOBODY AROUND FOR MILES!!!

I hate it when people think i'm mad and i'm not. It's just my face. Do you know how annoying it is and how sad it makes me to know that my face just naturally looks MAD or ANGRY. I'm not....actually most of the time i'm in my own world but i'm not mad. I've been absolutely content even calm/happy and someone thought I was angry. WTF. STUPID FACE YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT!!

you know the point where you don't care who sees what anymore, it's like a trip wire. You step on it, you hear the snap noise, and then all hell brakes loose. But the funny thing is I have those moment but then time erases and the trip wire is back in place like I never stepped on it at all. I picked up the pieces before anyone had the chance to see them...

(Like right now I was going to write something, but I erased it. why did I do that? Because I was afraid of what others might think, of what my family might think, or friends families I don't know who ACTUALLY READS this or just might give a way ward glance every now and again. but erase I did. maybe one day I will let all the windows open and the doors unlocked...sheets off the bed and the cabinets off their day but not tonight)

sigh.... I ate a cake today that tasted like peanut butter cookies... that is all.


  1. hi! i love this blog, and read EVERYPOST, even if I don't comment on all of them! =D

  2. Mizz Ali: hahaha thank you, I tend to get a bit weird at night and wake up the next morning thinking...."Whaaaaa?" but thank you that means a lot!

  3. I think about similar things such as these!
    Yeah, that whole blogfriend or REAL friend thing gets me too...some of the people who i communicate with via blog i do feel a connection with somehow, but i wonder if it is onesided and I'm just being really lame! I totally relate to your ponderings here! There are DEFINITELY some people i know only through the 'net that i really really wish i could meet in real life, and then there are others who i have only rather superficial communications with. Just so you know, YOU are one of the people that i really hope to meet someday!
    I think the people who i can discuss a wide range of things with, and communicate with OUTSIDE blogland (even if just email or whatever) i feel that i can call friends. It seems a bit lame sometimes, but really, just because i can't physically go out and drink a coffe with someone doesn't mean there can't be some really good communication happening, y'know? that's what i think anyhoo! :) After all, any friendship (for me anyway) is about being able to relate to somebody, and share interests and ideas with them. The internet CAN be a bit limiting, but it can and DOES often lead to meeting the people in Real Life, and then a really lovely "proper" friendship blooms!
    Gawsh, there are even certain male bloggyfriends that i can't help but get mad crushes on too....but maybe it's best that i can't meet them in the flesh- they would probably want to run away because i would try to seduce them, hahahah ;) But yeah, one of my good friends met her current boyfriend through Myspace of all things! Admittedly he was a friend of a friend of hers, but it just goes to show. Weird things happen.

    I nearly did a late night rambly rant post last night! But i decided not to, as it was way angry, and i already show enough of my cranky side as it is!

    Goddamn that cake sounds good.
    Well, nighty night for now!