April 8, 2010

Panic drives me

Point one: My boyfriend and I have been in a “rut” lately so we had a talk last night, said things the other didn’t want to hear, and said things that we ourselves didn’t want to hear either. I have been very depressed lately, college is literally killing me. I am the type of person who stresses about everything but I can’t help it. I really can’t I want my brain to shut up but it won’t. I’ve had more panic attacks in the past few months than I have in my whole life. I have been sick for a long time and it just adds to it.

“I love to press my forehead on cold things…like metal.”


Point two: I took a bath last night in the dark. It was right before sunset and I loved it. The only light came in from the window and it was very dim. I think you should try it.

“that hurt”
“did it hurt because it’s true”
“it just hurt.”


Point three: It’s been raining since last night, I keep waking up….one time the wind was blowing so hard and loud it sounded like a vacuum. It rained softly and then heavy interchanging. Sweet sticky smells are coming into my room… I woke up feeling dehydrated, quite strange to wake up with a cool breeze but feel dried out on the inside.

“do you hear it??”
“ yeah, I think it’s coming from over here though”
“nooo, it’s coming from down there”



Point four: a really weird noise kept reoccurring last night, It sounded just like a goose. But then it went away and came back around 2am….and I noticed that while it did sound like a goose it started sounding like a dog too… I don’t know what it was


“Thank you”

Point five: My grandmother bought my a plant… I hope to keep the poor thing alive but I’m not that much of a botanist. It’s not really my forte. So we shall see…post pictures later.


“what I want and what I do is completely different”

Point six: I think having purple hair would be so awesome, I actually have thought about getting a tattoo but not of a picture. It would be a set of numbers that were special to me or a dream catcher sense I have so many nightmares… I want to travel but it’s just not in the cards right now.

P.s. The Scene 2 poll will close in a few hours so I will be posting the winning scene at midnight my time. It will also count for tomorrow post unless something more exciting comes along.


Photos found on Weheartit.com

4 comments:

  1. Ohhh... I am sending hugs your way. It has been rainy here also, grey skies don't make things better.
    I hope you and your bf are are ok, and I think you should put purple in your hair, just be like dad, "having purple in my hair will make me feel better." It might work. :)

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  2. :( I know the feeling. I hope everything works out, I know things usually do in the end, but when you're in the middle of things it seems so difficult. Just remember I'm thinking of you.

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  3. Aww luv. I'm sad to hear that you're going through a shitty time right now :( I really do hope that brighter days are on the way! I really hope the rut is a thing of the past VERY soon.I'm sending you some massive squeezy cyber hugs right now *HUUUUUUGGGGGGGSSSS*
    Try the purple! Do anything that makes you happy, Steph ♥ You deserve the happiness.

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  4. Your writing style in this was awesome!

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