April 8, 2010

Panic drives me

Point one: My boyfriend and I have been in a “rut” lately so we had a talk last night, said things the other didn’t want to hear, and said things that we ourselves didn’t want to hear either. I have been very depressed lately, college is literally killing me. I am the type of person who stresses about everything but I can’t help it. I really can’t I want my brain to shut up but it won’t. I’ve had more panic attacks in the past few months than I have in my whole life. I have been sick for a long time and it just adds to it.

“I love to press my forehead on cold things…like metal.”

Point two: I took a bath last night in the dark. It was right before sunset and I loved it. The only light came in from the window and it was very dim. I think you should try it.

“that hurt”
“did it hurt because it’s true”
“it just hurt.”

Point three: It’s been raining since last night, I keep waking up….one time the wind was blowing so hard and loud it sounded like a vacuum. It rained softly and then heavy interchanging. Sweet sticky smells are coming into my room… I woke up feeling dehydrated, quite strange to wake up with a cool breeze but feel dried out on the inside.

“do you hear it??”
“ yeah, I think it’s coming from over here though”
“nooo, it’s coming from down there”

Point four: a really weird noise kept reoccurring last night, It sounded just like a goose. But then it went away and came back around 2am….and I noticed that while it did sound like a goose it started sounding like a dog too… I don’t know what it was

“Thank you”

Point five: My grandmother bought my a plant… I hope to keep the poor thing alive but I’m not that much of a botanist. It’s not really my forte. So we shall see…post pictures later.

“what I want and what I do is completely different”

Point six: I think having purple hair would be so awesome, I actually have thought about getting a tattoo but not of a picture. It would be a set of numbers that were special to me or a dream catcher sense I have so many nightmares… I want to travel but it’s just not in the cards right now.

P.s. The Scene 2 poll will close in a few hours so I will be posting the winning scene at midnight my time. It will also count for tomorrow post unless something more exciting comes along.

Photos found on Weheartit.com


  1. Ohhh... I am sending hugs your way. It has been rainy here also, grey skies don't make things better.
    I hope you and your bf are are ok, and I think you should put purple in your hair, just be like dad, "having purple in my hair will make me feel better." It might work. :)

  2. :( I know the feeling. I hope everything works out, I know things usually do in the end, but when you're in the middle of things it seems so difficult. Just remember I'm thinking of you.

  3. Aww luv. I'm sad to hear that you're going through a shitty time right now :( I really do hope that brighter days are on the way! I really hope the rut is a thing of the past VERY soon.I'm sending you some massive squeezy cyber hugs right now *HUUUUUUGGGGGGGSSSS*
    Try the purple! Do anything that makes you happy, Steph ♥ You deserve the happiness.

  4. Your writing style in this was awesome!